So today was the day. They finally tried to take me out. At approximately 7:40 AM I awakened to this text:
And indeed it was. As the precipitation picked up my spirits fell with those flurries. There were two things I knew to be true – it wasn’t going to let up, and neither was Howard University. After many failed attempts I finally mustered up the courage to slither out of my bed and into the shower. Armed with my full body coat and an umbrella I trekked into the winter wonderland to make it to my 9:40 determined to not let the weather get me down. It took one step into the real world for me to realize my Pumas aint it.
My neck was immediately broke. Surrounded by puddles and black ice I couldn’t help but to feel cornered and attacked. I saw brave men and women sprinting through the slush in their timb boots which was riskyyyy business in my eyes, because your girl was surely tip-toeing in her Jordan’s. Needless to say I attended all my classes *with an attitude*, murdered a test (or it murdered me who knows), and here I am at 3 am still outside of the comfort of my warm bed. As your local oracle I foresee this being a rough winter y’all and all I got to say is, are timb snow boots or nah? If not, put me on to something real before it’s too late.
All in all today was beyond frightening and I will never forget this treachery. George W. Bush and that gahdamned weather machine are going to catch the smoothest fade soon as I touch down in Alaska. Say your prayers HAARP.